Monday, August 16, 2010

The Jigsaw Puzzle of Life

I feel like a lot of people have probably wrote on this topic before me, but God has just kept it on my heart and I feel like I just need to write about it. It may or may not make sense to anyone, or maybe it will just be a lot of stuff people have already heard, but I’m just going to write what I feel led to write.

Life is like one giant puzzle. Each area of our life and most events are a puzzle in themselves as well. We are constantly trying to piece together a puzzle that only our Creator can put together. He is the only one who knows exactly where each piece goes and when each piece needs to be placed. He is the only solution.

Sometimes there are pieces of our puzzle that we think we are ready to put in place and may even feel like God is ready to have them placed, but they might not quite fit where we need them to. There may be other things that we have to put together first before that piece comes into play. We can’t get discouraged by the piece not fitting at the moment, but rather put our efforts into the pieces around it. We have to remember that God gives us each piece and tells us exactly where it goes and when to put it there and his timing is always perfect, whether we think so or not.

Whenever I put puzzles together I always found all the outside pieces first and made the outline of the puzzle. Whenever you do that you can’t stop working once you get the outside together, because you haven’t experienced the puzzle fully. You don’t know its full beauty until you finish it. When we start things in life we can’t just do it enough where we think we have the full gist of it. We have to keep persevering until we get what God intends for us out of it.

God creates these puzzles in our life, but not to confuse us- the bible tells us he is not the author of confusion. Rather, he builds these puzzles to allow us to put our faith in him. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God knows the plans he has for us, he knows how the puzzle is going to fit together perfectly and his plans will not make us hurt, but rather prosper and it is up to us if we are going to trust in God to put together the puzzle of the plans he has for us.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Most Amazing Morning of My Life By Far

This morning Julie, Casie, Lauren, Nealy, Allie & Amanda (friends of Lauren and Nealy), and myself got up super early- like 4:30 am early to head down to watch the sun rise. I must say walking through the French Quarter at 5 am was pretty interesting. I wouldn’t use the word scared for what I felt, but it was extremely weird and almost like in an eerie way. I don’t think I have ever walked through a city at 5 am in the morning. There were still a few parties going on but for the most part there were just drunken people sleeping in cars, homeless trying to catch of few minutes of rest on the sidewalk, and a few people were up walking around. We stopped at Café du Monde and ordered beignets and café au laits. We then walked down to the steps that lead into the Mississippi River to wait for the sun to rise.

I have never watched anywhere go from dark to light. It was by far one of the most amazing things I have watched. I got to watch God wake up New Orleans and fulfill his promise of a new day and I chose to let today be a new day and to let go of the past. It was so peaceful to be sitting on the steps just reading my bible, praying, listening to worship music, and just watching God at work. It just felt like he was right there with me, wrapping his arm around me. I felt so loved and protected by my Heavenly Father. While I got to watch the beauty of nature, God didn’t let reality slip to far away.

While I was sitting their reading my bible, a man I believe to be homeless walked down the steps. I watched him as he removed his shoes and socks and rolled up his pant legs. I watched him walk down the last few steps and walk back and forth across the lowest step that was emerged in water. He was washing his feet and legs off. I’m not sure what it is called when a Catholic prays and they do the forehead, mouth, chest thing with their hands, but I was just so drawn to see what the man would do next. He went back to where his few things were and pulled a little toothbrush and a little thing of toothpaste out and he brushed his teeth with an alcoholic drink that he had with him. This was just a really eye opening experience for me. I never really thought about the entire life of a homeless person. My heart broke for him and I just sat there and prayed as he was leaving that one day he would have hope and that if he didn’t already know Jesus Christ that one day he would come to know our Savior.

I also witnessed another person, that may or may not have been homeless, but he was definitely over the limit on alcohol consumption. My heart broke for him to. He was so unhappy; he was yelling and pretty much cursing the world. Then he grabbed up some trash and threw it into the River. All I could do was pray for him as well. I just hope that one day he will know Christ as well and will find joy in life.

So while God allowed this wonderful morning to become an eye-opening experience as well, I could never be more grateful for this opportunity. I definitely believe that it will become a Sunday morning ritual for the few Sundays we have left with all of us together.

<3 Kendall

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

God is so Powerful

So I said in my last blog that I was going to talk about all the things that have led to my decision to stay here in New Orleans and I didn’t because I got to tired- so this blog is going to be devoted to that.

Since Day One of being here in New Orleans, I have known and felt that this is exactly where God wants me. I was talking to a wonderful person and she told me this and it has really stuck and it perfectly describes my first day here at the Baptist Friendship House. She said, (and I’m paraphrasing so I won’t use direct quotations), Satan can mess with our minds and get in our minds and throw things at us on the outside; but if Jesus is in our heart then Satan can’t get in there. That totally describes how I felt my first day. As soon as I stepped in the doors of the BFH, I felt as if God was opening his arms saying “Welcome Home.” And that feeling has not left me for one second since I have been here. This is the first place in my life that has ever felt like home other than Kenansville Baptist and even there, it wasn’t the same feeling as I have here. I’m looking back in my journal and in my first entry I talked about how perfect and right this feels and I knew that it was part of God’s plan for me. From that very first day he has just sent so many affirmations that he has huge plans for me here and that I shouldn’t leave yet.

I have now realized that God has been preparing me for a transition like this for a while now. I first felt the call to missions around a year ago while serving in Honduras; however, I knew it wasn’t for foreign missions, God wanted me in my home country. It wasn’t until I was waitlisted for a position at Centri-Kid that I realized that my dream of fulfilling my call to missions could actually take place after learning about opportunities with NAMB. I immediately knew this was in God’s plan for my summer. There were so many options to choose from out of at least 100, I chose two mission locations in Oklahoma and my third choice was here in New Orleans. I honestly did not think I would end up in New Orleans, I was told that they were usually able to place people at their first choice. Evidently God wanted me here. Once I got here and began thinking about staying here in New Orleans, I was able to look back to my last semester at UNC-Chapel Hill. I tried my best to make myself be happy and enjoy life at UNC, but in my heart it just wasn’t there. I truly believe that is one way God began to prepare me to leave that place, my uneasiness there and lack of wanting to go back there was definitely God.
Since I have been here, God has just continually affirmed that this is definitely where he wants me. The feeling of being exactly where God wants me, like I said, never leaves me- even on the hardest of days- and there have been several…. God still makes me feel like I am here for a purpose and that this is all in his plan. I have made relationships with staff members, summer missionaries, along with my directors that I will never lose, no matter where I am. They push me to be the best Kendall I can be and are such an encouragement. They are so supportive of whatever decision I make, although it has been made for now…. I have made relationships with my girls and I know that God has placed them in my life for a reason and I am in theirs for a reason. After camp, I don’t want to lose contact with them and walk out on them, I want to continue our relationship and hopefully be some kind of mentor to them. I have met a lady who is a prostitute, (the one that I cleaned her feet and polished her nails that I mentioned in an earlier post), and I just feel like God is going to use our relationship for a better good for both me and her. A woman that has not been here in years, came in last week to complete her GED and before she came in, I volunteered to start teaching GED stuff. My directors are so excited and really seem to think that me and her are going to do really well together and hopefully that will be another relationship that betters the both of us.

There have been little things as well that just continue to affirm that I am making the right decision…. On one of my harder days here, I was able to see a double rainbow- and for those of you at KBC, ya’ll know how big we are on rainbows, especially double rainbows. When I go running by the river, I just feel like God is telling me- Kendall this is where you belong, and I absolutely love it. I am going to have the opportunity to write at least one, hopefully two books before too long, which has been a lifelong dream. There is an older man at a coffee shop that I began talking with and I can’t wait to see where God goes with that one, I may never see the man again but God just keeps him on my heart.

So I know some of you all who are reading this have been fairly concerned about schooling for me. I WILL NOT be dropping out of school. I love school and I want to keep learning more. I couldn’t imagine not finishing, in fact I have even began praying about possibly-eventually pursuing a doctoral degree. I have already began looking at colleges in the area and I am super excited to be able to tour them. One of them has a counseling program that I am extremely interested in- I know that is what God wants me to do. That’s been on my heart for a while. So there shall be no worries about me completing school- I know UNC is an amazing school with a prestigious reputation, but that does not matter to me- I want to be filled with joy wherever I am.

Others I know have worried about me rushing into this decision and making it too fast. It honestly doesn’t matter about everything I wrote above this because in the end I can give each person every reason in the book as to why I should stay here and not one of them matters, except that this is where God wants me. I ended my last blog with the quote about how to know when it is God speaking to me. I never in a million years would have thought I would be making this move, NEVER!!! You know, I had it all planned out, finish school at UNC, go to graduate school, get married, have kids, be successful…. And God has completely changed that plan for me. And honestly I don’t know his complete plan, but I don’t feel like that is for me to know. That takes the joy out of living by the word FAITH, because that is certainly what I am doing. I am nineteen years old, moving away from everything I have ever known, and because I have faith, I KNOW in my heart that as long as I am living in God’s will, I have not one single thing to worry about. I have no fear at all about moving down here. I am so content with life- overjoyed with life. And you know, God may only have me serve here for a few months or he could have me here for years, whatever he decides, I WILL go wherever he leads me. I don’t think you can make a wrong decision if you follow what God places on your heart. He has placed it on my heart that New Orleans is the place for me.
My prayer for everyone who reads this is that you can put any questions that you may have aside and just join with me in trusting God and his PLAN for me. I am so thankful for all of you all’s support, but I promise you that I am not making this decision alone, God is right here beside me, comforting me all the way. I pray that you can just support me and God’s will and know that I will be okay. I pray that you can one day feel, if you haven’t already, what God has allowed me to feel. The feeling of being exactly where he wants you. It is so peaceful, even in the hardest situations. HE IS WITH ME.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Week 4 Complete, Margaritaville, Circus, Stennis Space Center, and walls coming down

So before you begin reading this blog- I want to go ahead and warn you it might be kinda long. I’m hoping that through it everyone can not only catch up on week 4 but maybe just see some of the things God has done for me here and I want everyone to understand my plans for staying here in New Orleans.

So first things first- I must catch you up on Week 4 of Up2Hope. So as I talked about in my last post- I was pretty sick Monday and laid in bed all day. However, when I woke up I was able to clean and put nail polish on the hands and feet of a lady who is a regular at our center. That was a very humbling experience just to see how that little bit of nail polish changed the woman’s day. While at the beginning of the week I was a little discouraged my girls truly showed me that I can’t get discouraged. They are amazing and I love each one of them. On Tuesday we discussed death, which I knew would be hard. I was expecting a lot of stories from the girls, but instead they were so numb to the pain. They simply treated death as if it was an everyday occurrence and showed literally no emotion with it. They have all been thru so much and have seen more than I could ever imagine seeing. It just broke my heart that they have experienced so much pain. I began to have some behavioral issues with a few of my girls and one of them literally has one more chance. If she gets in any sort of trouble she is out for the rest of the summer. This girl was kicked out last summer and I so wish that she would just grow and realize she can’t keep doing what she is doing. Luckily on Friday, she showed me the potential she has. We went on a field trip to the Stennis Space Center in Mississippi. Two of my girls (one of them being the girl on her last chance) and I went through the whole thing by ourselves, just us three and it was amazing. They were so happy and they wanted it to be just me and them. And I just went with it. We had so much fun. I think it was truly a growing moment for the three of us and I could see some of their walls coming down. These two girls are tough and hard and have very very strong walls up, so for them to be like they were on Friday was such a blessing for me. I was so proud of them as well. We had a little bit of an issue with another tourist at the Center and she just fussed at my girls and they had done nothing wrong. I am so proud of them though because they didn’t yell back or anything, they simply came over to me and talked to me about it. I just told them how proud I was of them and that the lady would leave in a few minutes…. I’m telling ya’ll- for them not to go off on her was a huge accomplishment. So now we are halfway done with camp and it is to sad to think about it. I can’t look at it as we are halfway over, but that we still have 4 wonderful weeks left with these beautiful girls.

We had a pretty busy week outside of camp as well. On Tuesday, my director’s boss came into town and she ended up taking us all out to dinner. We went to a place called Margaritaville and let me tell you- they have some amazing food. Me and Lauren split the Volcano Nachos- they were unreal there were so many of them. We made some huge progress on them though. Wednesday we had like a Mexican night here at the center and it was delicious- we had amazing guacamole. I am in love with that stuff! Thursday we went to the circus- let me just say me and clowns are not a good combination. We were down on the floor for all the pre-show stuff and were just standing around. These clowns had been walking around and I could see they were asking for trouble. Before I knew it, I feel something rubbing on my butt- so I quickly turn around and that joker is lucky I didn’t pull some tae-kwon-do on him. The clown had taken his hat off and was rubbing it on me. Then before we left, me and Mrs. Kay (my director) got wet because those aggravating clowns threw water on us!!! Needless to say it wasn’t the best experience. I enjoyed the circus for the most part, especially the animals but all the acrobatic stunts scared me. Friday we all made a trip to McAllister’s- a place I am falling in love with- and Wal-mart, which consumed a lot of our evening and then we just chilled. Saturday I stayed in my pajamas all day until about 7:00 pm when me and Julie decided to go for our run. We have discovered a new favorite thing- running through the French Market down by the Mississippi River and back…. Not only is it a workout but it just refreshes my mind and reminds me why I am so in love with everything here. Today I went to a church that I really enjoyed and could definitely see myself going back to. It was more contemporary which is what I am pretty used to now and I just really felt good there. So that has been my week four. I can’t wait to see what week 5 will hold.

So I’m actually kind of tired of typing now and this is getting super long- so I will save the whole spill on me staying here in New Orleans for another post- which I will do soon. But I will end with this quote that I got from a really great friend. It will just give you a little insight on God’s power and plan.

"how do you KNOW when it's GOD speaking to you?" The answer was: "If it is something constantly in your mind that you yourself wouldn't have come up with in a million years and you can't get it out, then God's speaking to you!!"

<3 Kendall

Monday, June 21, 2010

Week 3 Complete, Julie's Buttday, Preservation Hall, Cafe Au Lait, Oil Spill, and kinda sick

So after staying in bed (well on Karina’s futon) literally all day being sick with this cold and sinuses stuff, I think I am now ready to write a blog- because it has been a while.

I believe I will start with Week 3 of camp. For the most part it went really well for me. My girls have had some issues with getting along with each other; however, we had a very long discussion on Thursday and I am hoping that it has solved some of the issues. I now have about 8 girls that come regularly to my group. They each have their own very distinct personalities and some are much stronger than others. Getting back into our routine after having the youth group from FBC Pasadena was difficult at first, but by the end of the week we were back on track. We taught the girls a dance to Shackles and I love it so much- they seemed to enjoy it. Then we had our field trip on Friday to the skating rink and the girls absolutely loved it. I think every one of them at least put on skates and a majority of them did skate. I put on skates which I haven’t done in years and surprised myself. Little girls from another group that were about 5 latched on to me and some of our other leaders who were skating around so they wouldn’t fall, and they didn’t even notice us. It was so sweet.

This past week we also got to celebrate Julie’s birthday, she is one of the summer missionaries serving with me. Her birthday was Wednesday and we had cake with all our girls at the camp, and it was designed amazingly by our cook, Megan. Then Thursday, we went to eat seafood and it was delicious. I actually had an amazing salad but I did eat a little bit of shrimp from Kay’s plate. I’m not sure which was better. After eating we went to Preservation Hall, which is where a lot of musicians got their start like Louis Armstrong. It was just a small room with a few benches and some standing room and we got to listen to a brass band. It was really interesting and fun, but I think it is just a onetime deal for me. Then of course on our way back we stopped at Café du Monde and had a wonderful Café au lait and I loved it!

Saturday we drove about 2.5 hours down to Grand Isle, LA to see some of the effects of the oil spill. I had no idea what to expect, I didn’t know what an oil spill would look like or how bad it was going to be. It was so amazing to see all the bridges that we drove over through the marsh land. There was literally no land in some of the places we were driving, just bridges. Once we got to Grand Isle, it was eerie it was so quiet and dead. It is summer time and we were at a beach and hardly anyone was out. We drove over to this state park area which happened to be a clean-up site, so we got to experience that part of the spill as well. We did see some of the black clumps of oil sand piles, but for the most part what we saw was the shiny residue in the water and along the shore as well as maybe some of the chemicals mixed in with it. My heart just broke for all the people living there because fishing and the ocean was pretty much their life and now they are stuck.
Sunday, I got to experience Popeye’s chicken and red beans with rice. It was delicious. I don’t feel like I enjoyed as much as I would have liked to because I wasn’t feeling to great, but another trip there will happen.

Today I was able to have a very humbling experience. We have a lady who pretty regularly comes to the Friendship House. I met her for the first time about 2 weeks ago. She hasn't had the easiest life and hasn't chosen the best routes, but I truly believe that she is trying to make a difference and get her life back on track. So last week when she came in with bruises after being beaten by her "John" I told her that the next time I saw her I would do her nails for her. When I woke up today she was here, and she remembered the nail stuff. So we let her soak her feet in some antiseptic water to try and clean them some- they are in terrible condition from improper shoes and tons of walking, but as soon as I got that bright pink nail polish on her fingers and toes, she was a completely different woman. It is possibly one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had. She walked out of our building today with her head up. It really is the simple things in life.

So I am finally beginning to feel better after sleeping a lot of the day yesterday, last night, and all day today. I think God was trying to tell me something- ya think??? I am ready for tomorrow- I missed being with all my girls today- so pray for a much better tomorrow!!!
<3 Kendall

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Back on the Mountain Top

So this week has been insane, but it has allowed God to work in my life and prove that He is in control of everything, has a reason for everything, and is there for me all the time. I am so thankful today- because now I am seeing and beginning to understand some things a lot more.

So here is what this week has involved:

-A youth group from FBC Pasadena in Texas doing everything for us as far as camp goes with the girls
-Meeting a regular lady who comes to get help from the BFH, that has a lot of unfortunate problems
-Carrying food and hygiene kits to a homeless shelter
-Hearing the life story of the head cook at the shelter
-One of our girls at camp accepted Christ for the first time
-Going to worship with the youth group of FBC Pasadena (about 150 youth)
-Having awesome conversations with my directors
-Having deep and meaningful conversations with the girls that I am serving with at BFH
-Enjoying a McDonald’s Caramel Frappe with Lauren
-Eating a ton of unhealthy cookies
-Bailing out on Jillian Michaels 2 days in a row (might make it 3)
-Sharing parts of my life with one of our campers that goes home to a bad home life
-Witnessing to the same girl and just comforting her and making her time at camp fun
-Making the decision to stay in New Orleans, because this IS where God wants me!
-Beginning my art journal
-Welcoming a new family into our transitional housing program
-Celebrating our cook’s (Megan) birthday at the Cheesecake Bistro
-Beginning a book by Beth Moore
-Talking with a “hopefully not for long-stranger” in the coffee shop for a few minutes
-Hanging out in a coffee shop just to get wireless
-Visiting a salvage yard

The list can go on and on. These are just some of the ways that I am spending my time in New Orleans and just falling in love with it more and more each and every minute. While this week has had some highs and lows- you have to go through the valley to stand upon the Mountain of God (I think that is a Third Day quote from a song).

Please continue to pray for all us serving at BFH that we continue to experience awesome days as well as the days that are in the valleys somewhat- because we do need some of both. Pray that our relationships continue to strengthen. Pray that we can get back into our regular schedule easily. Pray that our girls will continue to come with open hearts and minds and that we can continue to bring Christ into their life, one girl at a time. Pray for our girls that go home to hard lives and in some cases ones they shouldn’t have to go home to, that they will be able to return each morning into God’s loving arms.
I am so thankful for everyone praying at home and I can’t wait to keep updating you on this amazing Journey!
<3 Kendall

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Life on a Rollercoaster

So this past week has had a lot of ups and downs for me- physically, emotionally, and spiritually as well. We have a youth group from Pasadena, Texas here doing pretty much everything for us, involving the girls. It is nice having a little bit more time to relax, but in all honesty, I’m ready for next week for it to be the six of us summer missionaries and our girls. It is a little overwhelming with all the people here (15 more than usual) and at times it is pretty chaotic. I have felt so much more worn out this week and practically drained than I was last week when we were running everything. I am so thankful for the youth group coming in and doing everything, but I think we are all ready for our regular schedule.
So physically I have just been drained and part of that may have to do with us missionaries working on completing the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred- gotta do it- it’s on the bucket list. Needless to say it is a legit 20 minute workout. The only other thing I think that is taking a lot out of me is just being surrounded by so many people right now….

Emotionally and spiritually I have just been up and down. I haven’t had to prepare a lesson with the girls or anything like that and with being tired at night I haven’t spent as much quiet time with God as I need to. I have sort of got comfortable where I was with Christ- but this is something I must pursue daily, to dig deeper into scripture and pray and just spend time with God. We can never be comfortable in our relationship; there is always room for growth, so my focus is now going to be relying on that to get me through. God will provide me with everything I need; I just need to go to him more. Emotionally, there has just been recent things that have happened that not only break my heart for my girls, but it also brings back memories of what I’ve experienced and how I can relate so much to so many of these girls. But again, I just need to continually go to God to help me get through the valleys.

So in all I have to say I am having yet another extremely blessed week. Sunday we attended Grace Baptist Church and it was really nice. It was amazing to see how race is not an issue here in New Orleans. Everyone is intertwined everywhere you go, from the streets to the pews. So Grace was a little country Church in the midst of a huge city. There are about 50 members in the congregation and everyone was so loving. The preacher was awesome. He spoke about the Transfiguration and was able to relate it to my life well. After church we went to McDonald’s and then the French Quarter to do a little shopping, I used a ton of self control and only purchased a single belly button ring. However, I did find out about the 9% sales tax which isn’t so fun. Sunday night the missionaries arrived and we got to meet all of them.

Monday-today we have just been supervising a little during the activities making sure our girls behave and respect the youth group. I have to say- I am so so so proud of our girls, they have been patient, respectful, and have participated in the activities. I can see growth in each of them. I am so excited to watch them continue to grow over the next 6 weeks.

Please pray for all of our girls, because most go home to living situations that most of us can’t even begin to imagine. Pray for their safety and comfort each night. Pray for us summer missionaries and staff at BFH that we can have patience through the rest of this week and get prepared for next week. Pray for me in my journey in New Orleans as God continues to reveal his decision and my plans for staying here in New Orleans. Pray that he will continue to help all of us at BFH build relationships that will last forever. And lastly pray that everything we do results in God’s glory and that through our actions Christ can be seen.

<3 Kendall